Forests of God

I pray in the forest
Because the canopies are my cathedral ceilings, my temples are made of glistening moss, emeralds of lichen adorn the wispy branches, life is sprouting evermore, grounding into the veins of earth, soil is rich like crumbling chocolate cake. I’m finding my self in between thoughts. I’m looking down and up. Glimpses of Eagle’s wings take me back to my truth, to the guidance, to the loving source permeating the web of existence holding me.

The fly buzzes
The Raven cackles
The echo of sunshine
follows my horizons
The trails of wonder
Leave traces of gold
Flecks and copper sketches
On my wind worn hands
The cold is a song I’ve rehearsed
For a million years
The warmth is softly cradling
My homecoming
Like caressing the cheek
Of my lover

Love is no less real here
Love is no less potent
Outside of some government
Sanctioned arrangement
Love is no less powerful
When it enters me
While I sit in silence
On the benches of my
wide eyed
Awakening

Singing me back to my knowing again, rowing me home

Nature is my solace
He is my safe place
Nature is my medicine
He is my wine
Life can be brutal
Ruthless even
The Eagle that glints to me in majesty
Will also ravage a crows nest and devour
New life that never had a chance

We are all innocent
In our lonely ways
In our far cast longings
In our crestfallen sorrow
In our disappointing nostalgia
In our grief for a world
We ignored. Forgotten in the
Trappings of Industry’s Cold
Mean Gaze, grovelling for gold
Stamped approval in a world
that doesn’t
Even know what
that means

I’m allowing the world to exist
Just as it is.
I’m allowing the breath of life
To fill my lungs more fully
I’m allowing life to be my ally
I’m allowing life to be my companion
I’m allowing life to just be

In quiet moments
My freedom is found
In my own relationship
To thoughts and emotions
Filtering through like rain
The only freedom that exists
Is within and in everything else
Reflects and refracts the truth of
The green green canopies
That keep on budding and blooming
Incessantly ignoring our lost celebrations
The leaves that keep on fluttering and shining, no end to cycles, nature doesn’t care about your plans, she makes her own.
The consistent seasons that need no faith
Nature is never uncertain, it is instead delayed or unseen to those not ready to immerse themselves in the waters of home

Truth is spoken to me in the blackbird’s sermons. My hymns are hums. My prayers are mutterings and cell phone poems. My confessions are stories of ecstasy. My praise is to all life. I don’t know the word sin because all that anything is, is love and learning, light and its holy shade. You don’t go to hell you just temporarily moved too far away from the light, you can’t tell left from right, you’re fumbling because your eyes are shut tight. Open them right & The sun can be blocked by the grey but it never goes away. God can be cast out of your heart but She always remains. Let her in. Be the space that holds All That Is.

Sounds / Silence

I’m a whisper hidden under the cacophony of a cityscape so lost in making sound, they forgot the bliss of silence. Is that why I stay up past midnight? Because quietude can be found when the city is not conscious.

I’m curious about if the work I’m doing is depleting me or if it is simply acknowledging the truth of what is. I keep trying to hold the possibility of what could be, I keep promising that this world could be different.

Yet when starlings fly across dusky oceanside strolls, when ravens laugh with me from the treetops, when dreams of whales and porpoises lull me to sleep… there’s nothing I want to change.

Nature is always calling us to remember. Nature is always beckoning me to follow. I dream of slow still mornings on the land. Dewy and moss cushioning my head. I feel this relief when I’m there, this constant reassurance of cycle. Hope is not even necessary because my ideals are alive there.

I want to learn how to light a beautiful fire. How to cook with the elements and heal with herbs. To channel my ancestral wisdom, to embody the wild woman. To bathe under moonlight. To become rapturous with the full moon, to hold my heart sacred, to feel the possibility of rest being the foundation from which all else arises.

Silence is a home that I curl up in. Silence is a call to come back. Silence echoes in the grass and the rocks, bounces and sings in the trees. Silence is a wish. Silence is a joy. Silence is comfortable when I am at home within.

Acceptance and striving can be concurrent. Clarity, truth and vision can simultaneously hunger together for a better world.

My voice is a beacon, the light is streaming across a globe lighting up. Sparks of light join in connect the dot constellations. Starlight is streaming from our eyes, earth is pouring from our feet. We are bridges, standing together, holding strong for a birth of a new dawn.

Indigo Light

Your embrace
is a safe place
to just be me
your heart is
a brilliant prism
reflecting rainbows
on my fingers
and across the
white walls
of my bedroom.

your lips paint
wonder on my face

a fragile strength
a roaring quietude
a rough silk

a tension of opposites

the stars shimmer
glimmer on a city nightfall
from a park bench
I throw my head back
and laugh at the sky

you are a soundwave
rippling across
the expanses of my body
murmuring a kind
of wise lullaby
so uniquely you
you help me to be me.

I am sending you sweetness
like letters, like snowflakes,
like chocolate melting.

my being is dappled in light
streaming through my eyelids

you are luminous
and I am the indigo night.

Laundry that Lingers

My sheets still smell like you
I don’t throw them in the laundry just yet
Is that weird? That I want to savour
the scent of your shampoo
on my pillow case before I dream.
Similar to the feeling of tasting
the first strawberry of the season
you linger sweet on my tongue,
hints of what is to come.

If these sheets remember us
they probably become enthralled
with our wild dances of the night
our entangling limbs
our dreams overlapping
like ripples on a pond
you reach me over and over again
subtle but strong
holding me with such care
you free me – sending tsunamis
of pleasure cascading over my skin
and into the ethers
you are some kind of cosmic,
cathartic remembrance
some gift of human awareness
some tender hearted beautiful
grey blue depths
like a whale breeching
I have to come up for air
when I am kissing you.

Maybe we swim together
our souls pulling water languidly
we move through oceans of endlessness

I inhale, a big gasp.
lungful of hope,
and dive into your arms
feeling so
alive + whole +
fulfilled.

Ocean bliss

If the ocean was heaven
I think I might stay an extra week
Before incarnating again.
If heaven felt like these turquoise waters
I’d happily collapse time so I could
Commune with the sea for a while.
Because when I was in the water
I felt this delicious spaciousness,
free flowing through life, held up buoyant
This sense of deep home in my bones
Safety and love enveloped me when I
Submerged and dissolved into the clear
Patterns of light dancing sacred shapes
On the seabed. I let the tide take me back
And the incessant thoughts stopped.
For a few blissful moments
I was this effortless oneness
Beyond words or understanding
I was gliding through peace
I was the song of the mermaid
My wings making waves
Watching the angel fish I swear
They even winked. I think I got high
On just being at the beach today
My every cell was singing praises
Of existence and being alive
Just felt so good. The Sea said
‘This is just the beginning
You are made in the image of God
And when you opened your eyes
Underwater you caught a glimpse
Of the infinite. This is where you
Come from and where you will return
Remember this love.
It’s always within you.
Close your eyes.
Your life is a gift
And you, beautiful human,
are divine. ‘

Past

You messaged me this day, 8 years ago. Facebook tells me it’s true.

The sun is dawning slowly across the sea and mountain peaks. I’m thinking about you. My curtains are awash with a mellow light, a glow subtle and victorious, day streams in with a kind of consistent love. A love we never had.

Why am I thinking of you? What do I need to do to let go of you? This turmoil of suffering never seems to soothe with the turning of the clock. I look at your message and wonder if I could reply now. And tell you that, I’m sorry.

Sorry that our friendship dissolved to the place where I no longer know where you live. I’m treading water while you’re breaking ice. My heart is oozing from wounds of another life.

What can you do, when someone you love, loves another? What can you do, when someone you love doesn’t really understand you anymore.The sky paints pastels, you are somewhere else. Are you thinking of me, too? Do you ever miss me like this?

Wake from a dream and wonder what kind of joy is possible in an alternate reality. I’d find you in that quantum possibility. I’d tell you I love you and that I never was fully honest about that. That I’m not trying to break what you already have with someone else, that I’m just laying it to rest. Sending it to sea. Letting you just be. Letting you be whatever it was that you meant to me.

In my memories I’m running toward you, flying into your arms. In my dreams I’m walking slowly, and holding someone who doesn’t exist anymore. Not because you died, but because you changed and I’m not part of your life anymore. I’m still carrying some projection of what I wish would have happened. Some version of us that is utterly unworkable. I’m sorry.

Apologies can only go so far.

I’m running on empty. So I get out, carry my ideas of who I thought you were, down to the river bank. I slowly pour the ashes of whatever we were into the rapids. I weep and I mourn and the waters carry you home.

You are made of mountain and rock. I’m made of ocean and tree. You would rather spend days summiting new routes, I’m sticking my hands in the earth, re routing plants. You have her. I have myself. You’re a rebel. You’re a risk taker. I am too, just not in a way as obvious as you.

You live to conquer earth, to celebrate the astounding beauty, to traverse where no one else has gone. I live to see through the eyes of love, to move my body with my breath, to travel the dimensions of consciousness. You pushed me away, I shoved you back, into my past. The granite is more familiar to you than me. The ocean is more familiar to me than you.

row towards the light. I’ll find you somewhere else. I’ll tell you, we were dumb, we couldn’t resolve this cavernous space, we could not cross the glacial crevasses in our hearts – we just kept living apart. Maybe next time we will do better.

You’re closer to the sky. I’m rooted in the earth.

Sechelt

Pale glow of hope
Shimmers with a clarity
of dreams that land like
Snow on mountains
Peachy light lazily drapes
The towering trees of wild
Holy land, something about
How this place brings stillness
Ancient wisdom rooted, knotted,
There’s depth in those pathless woods of mystery
Soft mossy hills bounce under my devoted footsteps.

If there’s a world underneath the soil
Maybe there’s a universe above the sky
Perhaps magic is raining down
Like star beams and moon light
Maybe my heart is bursting
Of quieter, peaceful possibilities
Of a different life that’s beckoning
Like pixies making snow angels.

Silence is the most beautiful sound
When my voice is usually drowned out
By traffic. Foggy nights and
Ocean inlets, salty and cold water
You are some kind of fire place
I’d like to feel your embrace like
Embers that spark unnoticed
In stolen moments of surprise
A spring flower I forgot I planted
You layer me in sunlight
You drape me in stars
In your arms I am light.

Midnight

The world waits for
a ray of hope named you
Glistening quietly
unannounced and still
the fireflies of my
heart guide me to
the forests of belonging

Plants and animals
Blood and bones
The earth longs
For our expression of
Feeling whole.

Balance cannot be found
in books, salvation cannot
be earned, stop trying
to save me from a
God I don’t recognize
My soul knows the
spirit of love permeating
all things. Blades of grass,
antler of a buck, mountain
glacier, oyster in the sun

Life feels disjointed
My hands grasp at
dirt, needing to feel the
thump of our collective
heartbeat

Listen in between
the cars
Often forgotten
The land sings a song
reminding me we all
belong. We belong to
each other.

This world
needs to remember
the old ways.
We must return to
our roots. We must
dig deeper,
intertwined with
light and soil and water

I was made of
the same – you
follow me
in the moonlight
you hold my dreams
like a lullaby
you make wishes
on the waves
our breath
scattering magic
in the salty midnight sky

I plant seeds
flowers are blooming
in my heart

I know which way to go
I follow the sky
and grow into the light

Friend

I never wrote poems about you.

Maybe it’s because we never became anything real. Maybe all you were to me were imaginary longings, maybe all I was to you was an occasional friend. There was something strangely fragile and precious about our talks, an intimacy that didn’t seem ordinary. And I thought I loved you sometimes. I thought I wanted you occasionally. But you are like the wind that never stays, just stuns me with its chill and then disappears for days.

Friendship is never only platonic you’d say and suddenly your curly hair and green eyes would make my knees buckle. You were the wilderness to me. All the things I wanted but couldn’t be. All the dreams I longed to live of nomadic pursuits and snow capped peaks.

You were so many things to me, but it was a story I wound around my heart so many times. And when you pried my hands off those projections, mercilessly yet so indirect, when you showed me the truth that you could never really meet me, you could never really show up how I needed, then your honesty hurt more than a hurricane.

And I cut you out of my future projections with relentless fury. I tore holes where you used to be and I filled them with salty drops rolling from my eyes and into nothingness. You dissolved like instant coffee I stir with apathy. You fade like night behind the mountains.

What happened to our friendship? Did it expire? Or did you find me too much, too threatening, too needy, too crazy, too unstable, too out there, too unpredictable, too far gone?

Why do I blame other people when I’m the one that shoves them away? Why do I break down when someone can’t be who I want them to be? Why can’t I just accept that you always meant more to me than I did to you?

Teenage fantasies disappear like glaciers. Slowly, lethally, painfully dripping down the caverns and crevasses of my rocky heart. You fade with the sun, daylight never lingers. You are light years away, your eyes are frozen in time, your words barely legible, Your promises scatter like sand in the wind. I long for you in solemn sparse moments when I forget everything you did, and I just melt in the memories of how you made me feel. I want to hold you again but then I remember everything I said and did and how I cast you cruelly into the storm of my turbulent mind. It is my fault, this pain. Suffering is the cost of how dearly I held you against my bones.

We talked at a beach once. On a bench in the forest. Sitting on concrete stairs at a university. At a bus stop. Lying on your bed. In my kitchen. At the library. Your words used to haunt me like wisps of a ghost, my anger used to sting like shame on my tongue. I watch you reach higher toward the skies. I watch you climb out of my heart and I let you go.

Returning of the Tide

Returning of the Tide

Morning light filters through the clouds
The wind wraps itself around my shoulders
Kissing me gently on the cheek
There’s a quiet wonder in simple mornings
In just sitting on my favourite park bench
Watching the waves roll out to sea
It’s an infinite type of feeling
Certainty. The waves are sure about
Where they are going, pulled by
The insistent call of the moon

I want to be that faithful
That trusting of the Earth’s rhythms
That surrendered to my fate

The water doesn’t question which direction it’s headed – it just flows toward the home it has always known.

There’s a taste of you in the morning light
A glimpse of ephemeral beauty
A word I can almost say-
A future of you
Feels hopeful

Leaves dance and shimmy
Blades of grass spiked with dew
Cedar and pine is a familiar perfume
my heart feels light when the day is new
Possibilities unfold like the way
Mountains are revealed mysteriously
Beyond the tumbling cold clouds
The fall feels like a sigh, like
I’ve been holding my breath
Show me the sun and I’ll transform
Hold me close as the tide returns
Over and over again.

in-between

I’m in the land between
Liminal light pours over the sea
The sun is red gold bleeding
through indigo clouds, dripping

I’m not where I was, but not yet
where I want to be.  Maybe all my pain
stems from longing – to be “there”
to be safe in your embrace – instead
I’m on the cold sandy shore
trying to find joy like a toy sailboat
bobbing across the water
I want to bring my concepts of “there”
right now, here in this sacred present
that is perfect in its simple sacred glory
still soft ripples on periwinkle glass waters
red gold light filtering luminous on my skin

I’m in-between – making friends with reality
captive to my fantasies and wanting to manifest you
crimson hues soothe my solitude
This moment continues to be hopelessly beautiful
when I look up and crawl out of the webs in my head.
The mountains tell me this is a place and time, and
golden red light and season of warmth that
I asked for many months before…so, they remind me,
in my asking for you, how could it not come true?

my fickle sweet longings for love
feel like a familiar sugar rush
surges of angst only to leave me drained.
I am still hoping. Still hoping and 1% afraid.
The years have stretched –
and the last time I really loved
someone seems like a faint wisp
of a daydream – or like lilac wafting
from a source unseen…
was I born to be alone?

The orange embers of daylight
don’t entertain my teenage insecurities
the waves that keep flooding in
are strangely comforting in their
consistency  – if the sea keeps moving
towards me, maybe you are too.
Maybe patience will bring me closer to you.

When something hasn’t happened yet
I’m placing its fate in something bigger
because my human brain can’t cause this
maybe the best things in life are the ones
you can’t figure out

Not knowing doesn’t have to be torturous
maybe I can let myself off the hook
perhaps pining for my man, and a life
yet to appear, a dream floating just above
me in the ethers – is not as useful as
admiring a solo sunset on a perfect
summer’s day

fiery light, warm breeze kissing my cheek
laughter and music and children playing nearby
birds scurry across the dusky shore in search of
something more –

And I’m sitting alone, watching a sunset
and it’s perfectly good enough
it’s perfect enough
it’s perfect.

Gypsy

I have a gypsy soul, I know it’s not
Politically correct to say that but
There is a part of me that longs to wander –
Country lanes by bicycle, lavender field wonders
Or seaside drives with the top down, singing
I feel best when the wind is whipping my hair
Like a powerful song, earth sings into me
Her places call me like a distant familiar melody
Intoxicating, almost like a memory haunting
I want to follow the sound of a path unblazen
When I can feel nature around, existing with life
and within new landscapes and familiar sounds
I forge my own way,  I find my own lessons
In another eyes, in a place that resonates
I feel my spirit dance in vivid aliveness here
There is a visceral sense of truth tone resounding
There is a new kind of freedom when I am home
that hasn’t been born yet, I haven’t quite figured
how to get there when they tell you can’t fly just yet
When I am together with
The journey, when the journey
beats through me like a drum and leads me
to you, to you, a perfect beautiful unknown
Stranger, a smile that I didn’t think was there
hardly blinked, didn’t think
Twice about, just a path and a human
passing a quick hello like a light
A soul recognizance in a glance
one word changes my evening
changes history, changes everything
Life is a mystery that keeps
unravelling towards  me
Keeps showing me the secret corners
of a life that could be lived easier
in harmony, in a way that honours
I need to rest more than most
To stare into other dimensions for hours

There is a magic to roaming.
you know
I told you –
I have a gypsy spirit
I can’t tell you why
I don’t want it to make sense
to give you a sociological survey
On how nomads have been persecuted
Because their home is the road or the path
Or how carrying everything you own
Has its own kind of wisdom
And song and dance in the street
Is it its own kind of medicine.
If I told you that living in one place
for too long feels stifling,
feels stuffy, feels scary to me –
you don’t seem to understand
you don’t seem to understand
How my spirit needs space
Long distant plains to dance
Deserts of discovery
Stretching over seas
There is a magic glittering
When I realize I can go there anyway
I close my eyes and I am with you
And we are sailing the Indian ocean
Washing upon shores of sparkle
White sand, snorkeling with schools
I would rather swim here –
than be stuck inside memorizing books
The world is calling to me like a melody
I can’t move, there is a barrier of fear
A pandemic of worry, a health crisis
That stopped everything.

I stopped too.
I stopped because I had to.
and in this one place where I am
not wandering, but sitting still
I am discovering travel in my song, the voice
In the way that a flower blooms, I hear birds
The way a ponderosa pine hugs me back
And smells like summer, like caramel, like snow
dusting the summit like the way you blow icing sugar
The way the salty water washes upon my feet is a blessing
cleansing and baptizing me in a way I have never known
when you look at your whole life as a vacation, a vibration
A song that keeps changing tempo, dynamic and lucid
I am a temporary guest inhabiting this luscious body,
I love yours too, the way your body whispers your story
curves and scars and lines and marks and soft round corners
There is so much my body has seen
There is so much my mind can do
I can travel when I close my eyes
It takes me back to you.
We are surfing the change
You hold me tight
I tell you to ride
The wave takes
Us back to
our home,
our soul,
until
love
is
all
that
remains
and I feel whole.

Forgiveness

If there’s a calling for me,
I want to be able to hear it.
I am shaking my ears out at the earth,
There’s a soft hum of creation resonating
I can tune into a new awareness of life
Let me listen to Life.
It is different.
I am different.

Am I a revolving door?  Are you a distant echo?
Do I run away when things get too hard?
Are my instincts real and can I forgive
Myself for not listening to them
I have so much I want to accomplish
Ambitious ignited in me after years
of dormancy.  I have so much to say
I put this pressure on myself sometimes
Like carbon under pressure
The diamond in my heart
Broke open tonight
There was a new
Feeling of light
Shaking through
Rumbling within
My mighty bones.

You

My mind can be a fantasy machine
inventing so many stories and scenarios
is fear just a figment of our past?
are you really in my future or my present
or were you embedded in me
after so many beautiful conversations
in between song notes,
are you supposed to be my lover,
my best friend, my better half?
I believe I am whole and you are too.
I am afraid of people dying on me.
I am afraid most of them fading away
like icicles dripping off the edge of a ledge
like chalk on a sidewalk when it rains
Or the way that you erase pencil
you know, when you write your initials
and theirs and a heart encircled
you are that kind of innocent to me.
am I infatuated with your ideal? or is it real?
you are the kind of innocent I want to call back
my inner child loves yours, my inner child is laughing
is running through trails, is climbing trees, is jumping on
trampolines with a sprinkler under, is swimming, is free.
We would probably go on adventures together – you would
swing from the slide to the ropes at the playground
I would find you in some secret spot, I’d tell you a story
or sing you a song, or run looking for you to give you a snack.

Would you want that?
I don’t want to be someone’s ball and chain
I want to be their wings
I want to be their wind
I want to build fires with them
camp on hidden islands
find secluded beaches in Hawaii
and snorkel together for days
will you swim? will you hold my hand?
or would you stay safe on the sand?
would you embrace the storm?
or would you run for cover?
would you climb the mountain?
or would you never travel to it?

There’s a song that summed up love
for me when I was ten years old
It is an old song called truly madly deeply
and it’s a lyric that calls to me, all these years later
‘I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to live like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me’

There’s a depth to these dark seas
you are riding with me
There’s a depth in your soul I recognize
There’s a quality of regal surrender
I choose to embody
There’s a falling into the arms of relief
There’s a welcome sound of raindrops
On a tin roof, there’s a bird calling to me,
Macaws flying across the oceans with their mates
There is something timeless and eternal in your eyes
I find myself there, swimming toward you
Wondering how in the hell I ended up
wanting something so beautiful that
I never thought I would long for.

you are a call in the wilderness
that I am waiting for.

True Love

I always thought love was something to grasp for, not knowing that it was holding me all along. There was a small part of me that doubted whether love was for me. You see, it’s been a long time since someone loved me the way the way the movies taught me. It isn’t true, I don’t believe in that story anymore. I am not a damsel in distress. I am not someone in need of saving. I am not incomplete. I am not a fish out of water looking for anything different. I am more like a dolphin, more of a butterfly, a dove, an eagle sitting in a tree with its soulmate, maybe I am even a seal diving deep into my own depths and re-emerging when it feels right.

I wanted the kind of romantic love that people dream about, that I was sold in fairy tales. But yesterday I met a man in the grocery store. He paused to buy a bouquet of 12 yellow roses right before he met me, his cart full of berries and healthy food. Then he told me how for 30 years he bought his wife roses every week, even when they couldn’t afford flowers. He told me that relationships take work. It’s something you build over time. I don’t fully know what that means yet but I do at the same time.

I know that love is for me. I know that one day someone will cherish and adore me the way that I long to support and show up for them. I want love. Real love. Messy love. A fun life. A secure attachment. A colourful cozy home with an organic garden. Islands of love – I want a thriving businsss. I want marriage. I want family. Those are all healthy desires. It’s possible. There’s just this thing about living in a world that needs what I can offer. And timing – divine timing You’re out there.

A community that has to come first. I have to be happy by myself first ; it’s a time of self initiation. Of growth. Self observation. Wild discovery, flying into the unknown with wings I grew from scratch. I want to be so sure that there’s no doubt you are for me when I’m ready. I won’t settle. I won’t chase you. I won’t be on the prowl. I’ll be sipping a mocktail. I’ll be dancing by the stage. I’ll be the life of the party and so will you. We will light up the world, a room, each other’s hearts. Other people’s hearts. A service. A self sufficiency, a financial authority, a brave kind of relation, an ancestral conversation, and a determined independence that had stubbornly stuck with me. Sisu. That’s what I want with you.

There’s something in my heart that wants to be whole first. To be reborn as my true authentic self. To be the priestess of my own temple within.

I want to dance for the earth, for myself, for a better future, for children, for women to be free.

Then maybe I’ll invite you in. I will.

Before I commit to anyone I want to be able to stand on my own two feet. Before I love another I want to intimately and deeply and passionately know how to love myself. No one can complete me, yet there is still a deep human desire for partnership. There is self love to anchor, space to breathe. There is still a desire for my cup to overflow into someone else’s. I want to be with someone where we can share our joys and sorrows and adventures, where we can grow together for the common good. Equal partnership, honest communication and a love I can feel when you’re gone.

I know we will find our way to each other. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. Wait, I do know why though – it’s because I want to experience divine love. Spiritual union. Emotional support. Space. Adventure. Freedom. Openness. Hope. faith. Joy. Laughter. Fun. Growth. Grace. within myself, within relationship. I want to love better, love higher, love more. I want to be a visionary in a new kind of love – one that frees instead of chains and one that does not seek to possess or hold back. Just one that is gently beautiful, simple and elegant, fun and dynamic, one that inspires me to be my higher self and my creative inner child more often. Let’s play. Let’s work. Let’s dive headfirst into truth. That’s the kind of love I deserve. That’s the kind of love I desire – one that makes me fall in love with the whole universe. Over and over again.

Kisses

When there’s a tickle in my throat, I realize it is there because I want to kiss you.

In the dawn of a soft morning,

Or at the dusk reaching into night.

Moon settles on the horizon after being reflected in the light of our eyes.

The heart has desires of its own, mine can  be unruly and passionate, like my raven hair. The desire right now for me, is to be known. To trust that all is unfolding in divine timing. I don’t need to try so hard, worry so much. It’s going to be okay. I truly feel that. It will pan out like gold in a river bed, you are a kind soul. I know that. I don’t have to prove this to you. The infinite love around and within us never stops loving us, just like the sun is still there even when it is cloudy. The sun is still there, even when it seems dark and hopeless. The sun, just like Love itself will never stop loving us. I will never stop loving you.

Okay

If I pretend that I don’t want you,

I would be lying.

Wanting you is the only thing I am sure of these days. I don’t know how or why even. I just know. I didn’t think this is how I would know. I didn’t think this is how I would feel. The heart doesn’t make logical sense. Neither do you, despite how hard you try. And I keep feeling my heart bursting. Am I blooming or is this not what I thought it was? Am I imagining it? Is it real – do you still feel that magnetic attraction I remember vaguely? Or is it just a chapter I couldn’t bear to close. I can’t give up on that hope, can’t close that story but I am okay if you don’t want to write it the same way that I do. If you don’t want me, my heart still wants you. We both have so much to do. This won’t be typical. It hasn’t even happened yet, but I love you. Is that okay with you?

Grandma

Limitless Love

I hear you in the wind
In the rustles of pine needles
I’m starting at a gorgeous sky
I miss the way you loved me
And I know you still do
I can feel you here
Without seeing you
In the buzzing of my feet
I can feel your embrace
In the ocean breeze
Feel your warmth settle
Across the sea, sense you
Spread across the horizon
Infinite and whole, a pure soul
You are vast now, you are endless
You are Love all around me
The chitter chatter of hummingbirds
The way the birds sing
You are the splash of the seals
You are the outline of the guardian mountains
You are alive in my heart
You are the things I hold dear
You are the magic ingredient
You are the tools I share

Grief is a gift
Because it means
We meant
The world
To each other.

You are with me now
I don’t feel alone
These moments
When you tell me
To put my feet up
I sit here sipping tea
Munching on cookies
And I can hear you
I can be near you.
You are a breath away.
You are but a breath away.

You are a song
The unstruck melody
That threads through my days
Like spools of precious gold…

Omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient.

New

You’re new.
I don’t know quite what to think of you
There’s a feeling I glimpsed when talking with you, a moment when I felt blissfully unrushed
Like I had lots of time …

That was a sweet sensation
To go slower. You are steady.
I can be a raging inferno, burning,
I’m so afraid of people not liking me
Or falling out of love, unworthy
And my anxiety is a turn off probably
So I hope you don’t find out.

Will you read this?
It makes me nervous.

There’s a simplicity about you,
Not in a stupid kind of way, in a
Clear kind of way. In a deep thinking
Yet quick to joking kind of way.
You navigate conversation with ease
And you can lighten the mood
When it gets too heavy

These aren’t the things I usually notice about people, not at first. So it’s a new land.
If I told you that I had a dream
That my higher self grew wings
And flew to the other side of the world
Scattering seeds to be guarded by kangaroos
Would you believe me?

It’s fragile.
I’m scared.
But there’s also
A playful curiosity, starting
To bloom like a white rose
In my expectant heart – it’s something new
I don’t know what to think of you.

Threads

Self preservation was a thread I was holding to, but now I’m weaving it into a burlap rope. There’s so much strength in fibres that are not broken by the expectations of validation. Saying no is an act of clarity, it’s realizing that I have a right to something better. Valuing myself and holding my worth is a marathon, like I’m swimming far expanses in the ocean and every now and then I find a raft to float on my back on. And I look up at the clouds or the stars and feel so proud of how my body and mind has carried this far.

Inevitably there’s a moment when I must keep swimming. I pull myself forwards. It’s not that I’m alone, it’s that the ones I choose to surround myself with are also swimming at a similar pace. They are not racing ahead in an effort to beat me and they are not dropping behind because I’m going too fast – they’re just moving alongside me. On their journey. There’s just floating like me under a Velvet sky admiring the planets and asteroids.

I am a wild comet, a cosmic snake. I am weaving my way through galaxies learning to trust myself. I am falling through space in a pirouette of ultimate faith, I am held safe in orbit by grace. A grace that shows me which way is forward, and how the path winds and loops, I am dancing a masterpiece.

There’s something beautiful about watching you, so I look over for a moment. But then the music reminds me of how good it feels to be in my body. There’s a bliss there that I can’t explain. A sort of satisfying joy that fills every cell. There’s a glory in dancing my own dance.

I could spin you metaphors for days, weave flowery sentences like a magician, whisk and wisp tendrils of a time unseen. But I’d rather show up for you. I would rather extend a hand in communion. I’d rather pull us both into an embrace on the ground. I’d rather hold you without needing to keep you. I’d rather follow through and receive when you want to give to me. I’d rather experience being taken care of, and not needing to fix. I’d rather rest in the space, the protective space you would weave around me, encouraging me to see my truth brighter.

You are real. There’s people out there that are worthy of falling in love with and then staying on the floor with, rolling around in fits of laughter. I have to believe that.